Up, up, up and it all fell down!

Have you ever felt like you are so happy, soaring with all ecstatic-ness, full of hopeful determination and ready to take things into your own hands... and then somebody pulls the rug off your feet?

That's how I'm feeling right now. Heart broken. Disappointed. Frustrated.

In my own little world of make believe, I want to be a photographer. I want to rock it out there and capture beautiful pictures. I want to be able to tell a story through my lens. I want to share it to the world, the beauty and the warm fuzzy feeling that's embodied in that photo.

In my own little world of make believe, I believe I can do it. I believe that I have enough support system to do it. That somebody's got my back. That whenever I am in a funk or in a freak-out, I-can't-do-this-anymore moment, I can rely on somebody.

In my own little world of make believe, I know that somebody also believes in me, encourages me, supports me and will do anything to help me achieve my dreams.

BUT in reality, I am not even an inch of a photographer I want to be. Yes, I can take photos but I am on a learning process as I go. I take everything I have to learn and absorb it like a sponge. I am excited and have high hopes of making such dream into reality.

But also in reality, I am alone. There I said it. I have no support network. I have people who leave kind comments and give encouragement and I am truly thankful for that. But what I mean with support network are the vital people in my life: family, friends who knows me, those who are close to my heart... I don't have that here.

I am in a strange place. I live in a small town and barely audible with the marketing strategy that I'm slowly doing.. I'm not saying I need a cheering squad, but I need somebody to motivate me, somebody who is going to take this journey of creative growth with me. Somebody who won't hold me back, not just by saying "Do whatever you want". But also by saying, "Yes, I'm willing to help you and support you as you take your baby steps".

Maybe that's too much to ask. Maybe that's too high of an expectation. I don't know. All I know is that's what partnership is for. You're supposed to be there for each other. Uplift each other's spirits. Guide each other's path, not  because you need to be "holding their hand all the way" but because nothing pleases you more than seeing your partner grow (creatively, emotionally or whatever they want to do for themselves).

I've then came to a realization that at this point in my life, I have to set my dreams aside. I'm not giving up, I'm not quitting. I'm realizing that it's not the right time and I'm not at the right place. I am strong enough to acknowledge the fact that I can't do this by myself. I am honest to see what's in front of me and evaluate reality.

In truth, I need to be home. Home with my family, with my friends, with my solid support system. I need all the love and support I can get. It's not fair to place this burden to an unwilling individual. It's not right to set this expectation for somebody who's done things alone, not asking for help and I don't place blame if that person doesn't understand.

Maybe it's time for me to move on.. to stop placing a square peg into a round hole. That way, I can live my little dream from my own world of make believe and turn it into reality without limitations, without hesitations, without feeling like I'm a burden.

All images are from weheartit.com