sick

this post was originally written 12/20/08

I am getting so sick with all the bullshit at work, with people being fake, with all the exaggeration, with the useless politics. I'm sick of it all.

Sure, people make mistakes. We are not perfect. Sure, people can come in late...but for crying out loud, please don't exaggerate.

One should not be in a managerial position if she can't even take responsibilities and keeps on putting the blame on her crew.

I am getting fed up.

Season's Greetings!

Let the blues do the talking...

Merry Christmas, Cebu

As I'm typing this entry, it's already 2:00 am in Cebu, Philippines.I suppose, my parents already had their Noche Buena. I'm sure they'd invite the neighbors and our house is filled with our neighbors and their kids.

I miss the familiar smell of the food that's cooking in the kitchen, the Christmas carols playing, the carolers,the fireworks (literally. we kick ass on fireworks display during Christmas eve and New Year's eve), our neighbors blaring disco music dancing their hearts out.

My heart longs for home, for my family, for my friends whom I text nonstop and talk on the phone at the same time, for the festive feeling.

And yet, I also realize that home doesn't necessarily have to be a place. One can find home in company of friends. With all the drastic and dramatic changes in my life, I'm truly grateful I have quite a few friends who pulled me through.

This year, I'll be spending Christmas in my own home away from home with somebody who would do everything in his power to make me feel like home. That is the best Christmas present I could ever have.

A short note for Le Boyfriend:

Thank you for putting up the cute little Christmas tree. For the wonderful surprises.

Thank you for taking me twice in a row for evening drives to check out Christmas lights.
It's so much fun and brings fond memories of my childhood back home.

What makes it more special is doing it with you, laughing and being totally amused.

Just letting you know that I appreciate it.

You are hardcore! :)

Shout out for the Queen of my heart :)

Mother dearest and I @ Chocolate Hills last year.

I miss that red hair and my Mama, of course!

To the woman who brought me into this world,

Salamat sa tanan lessons you taught me, the patience and the prayers.

Thank you for teaching me the value of hardwork, living within your means, chasing your dreams while having both feet planted steadily on the ground. :)

I will see you soon and I promise, I'll make you laugh over and over again.


Have a wonderful birthday!

I love you very much.

Dear Snickers bar & Ritter Sport,

Love(handles),

No more of this.

I'm resolved to pulling away... to keeping my distance... to hold it in...

Why do things when nobody really sees it?
Why care so much when it's not reciprocated?
Why even bother?

I'm sick with all of this rollercoaster, hot and cold, up and down bullshit.
What I need is stability and consistency.

I gave too much of myself, I'm taking all of it back.
Screw it all.

I'm telling you, he rocks!!!

Why?

Because last night, he put 4 pieces of my most favorite chocolate in the world, Ritter Sport in my underwear drawer to surprise me and was waiting for my reaction (i know, right?).

Of course, my 8-year-old self kicked in and I jumped up and down while clapping. A truly embarrassing sight that had him laughing his arse off.

And this morning? Another 4 more chocolates in my other drawer.

Ritter Sport = $1.something each (x8)

April acting like an 8 year old = Priceless!

Just the tummy for now, not the tushy...

So, David and I are okay. I am so into making a big fuss and freaking out that I made myself restless the entire day yesterday until he picked me up from work.

Guilty much? I know.

You know how I realized that I got a man that totally rocks? Well, he decided to write it off - my stupid accusations and insinuations. I'm glad he understands (or at least tries to understand) what I'm going through. And for that, I'm thankful.

I made myself swear on Winnie the Pooh's round rumbly tummy that I will try my very best not to do what I did, again. It's a Pooh-lover's honor so it's kind of a big deal.

Sometimes, I take pride of the title: the Royal Screw Up.

Today is one of those days when I should be wearing that crown and sash.
It's been a really bad day. It started out this morning with an overactive imagination gone wrong and pissed David off.

I've been told that I have a knack for ruining good things in my life and pushing the people, who love me and I love, away.
Since then, I've been on guard for whatever unintentional actions that I might stupidly do. And *tadah!!!* I’m doing the same old crap again.

Like thinking that I don't deserve my boyfriend.
Like thinking that he should be with somebody else (taller, prettier, slimmer).
Like thinking that one day shit's going to happen and I'll be totally abandoned again.

Stupid issues. Stupid paranoia. Stupid shit.

I know deep in my heart that I have a good man in my life. He met me when I was in my worst shape and hung in with me.
He's very supportive and held my hand through out those times. I am truly grateful for having him in my life.

But coming out from a failed marriage where I've been betrayed, hurt and wounded, my insecurities creep up on me sometimes.

I know it's stupid. It doesn't make sense.

Sure, David isn't a saint. He's not perfect. He can be a butthead sometimes but I know he won't do anything to hurt me.

Why am I entertaining stupid thoughts? Why I am trying to ruin something that's so precious to me?

*Le sigh*

Oh, and the cherry on the icing of a 10-foot-tall screw up cake? I failed to inform my boss that his boss from corporate had called and asked for a call back. The repercussions of me forgetting that? I almost got fired. Sweeeeeeeeeeeet!

Wow

It's official. US is in recession.

How scary is that?