One day at a time...

I admit, as soon as I get off work, I take the a longer route on my way home. I don't want to go home immediately because every time I walk in the front door, I get flashbacks of  what happened that Tuesday. The painful memory comes back and stabs me once again.

One afternoon, I woke up crying because I glanced towards Nini's bed and saw that she'll never be there again. There was one time when I had Tod and Belle in the backyard and I found myself calling Nini's name too, just out of habit.

I'm allowing myself to process the pain now. I'm being brave enough to go home and walk in the door, greet Tod and Belle and get used to not seeing Nini anymore.

I realize that not everybody will understand what I'm going through and that is okay. In fact, it's a good thing if you don't because then it would mean that you haven't experienced a pain like this.

I know people are going to say, "But it's just a dog. It's a pet. I think you're overreacting". I don't expect them to understand. We have our own story, our own life that we live. My life is my family. Here in the US, my family consists of David, Tod, Belle and Kneesaa. They're the ones I come home to every day. They're the ones I share laughter, tears and silly moments with.They have my heart. And I believe that it goes without saying that if you lose a member of your family, your heart is shredded to pieces and broken.

It will take time but it will heal. But then again, there will always be that scar.

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