it's creeping up, slowly...

Depression. Self Pity. That's what it is.

It's like this relentless feeling that would not stop. I am fighting it. I really am. But sometimes, it gets the best of me.

Like tonight.

I was fine, a little bit stressed, but nothing too bad. I've been browsing my friends' page over at Friendster and MySpace, checking out photos and getting updates of how their life has been. It's nothing stalkerish, that's what a social networking site is for, right?

Anyhow, I saw two friend's pages. They've just given birth. Months ago. And bam! They're back to their pre-pregnancy weight.

I cannot also deny that Summer's almost here and it's been quite a Summer in the Philippines already. People in their swimsuit. Damn, they look so good!

Then, that's when this dark unapologetical self pity consumes me. Here I am, no kids and I'm FAT.

For some reason, that word just makes me cringe and cry. After being called fat numerous times, I finally broke down. I cried on David's shoulders, pouring out what I've been holding back.

I thank God for giving me a great boyfriend. He was very supportive, he calmed me down and he made me feel better. I know that he didn't just say things to "make me feel better", I can feel his honesty and his sincerity.

He reminded me that he's the only one that matters. What other people say doesn't and shouldn't mean anything.

I know he is right. I should start believing him and keeping that in mind.

The goodness in the heart is what matters anyway... That and I've got somebody who really loves me, fats and all.