Posted on Instagram earlier:

Right now, I'm sitting on this bench right under a cherry tree. Petals of cherry blossoms on my feet. I can hear birds chirping. I feel the soft breeze. I can kids playing. 3 years ago, I told myself that I will find time to do something like this. And now, I'm writing this, along with the photo, so I can look back & remember how happy & content I'm feeling right now. It's so beautiful I feel like my heart's gonna burst. I'm grateful for the chance to experience this. I'm savoring it. Because right now, some silly dream of mine back then has finally come true.

Sakura

I've been here in Japan for about 3 years now and this is my first time to see the Cherry blossoms because I'm usually out of the country when they bloom.

I'm in complete awe of their beauty and of what the cherry blossoms represent in Japanese culture. It symbolizes the frailty of life. These flowers are exquisite, beautiful, but they don't last long.

 

Well hello old blog!

Holy wow!

It's been years since I've written my thoughts here. Somehow, life has taken over. I read my previous entries and some made me laugh, some made me shook my head in disbelief on how immature and stupid I was, some amazed me at how bold I was, and damn, I was so emo! haha.

To sum it up, I moved to a different country: Japan, got settled, got lazy, got bored, traveled, got fat, got a home business, got tired of it, got tired of being tired, got involved with CrossFit and tada, here I am now.

One thing I surely missed though is writing my thoughts down, sharing my thoughts (however immature, ridiculous and hilarious) they might be.

So, maybe from now, I'll be posting more.

One day at a time. :)

A letter to no one

Dear You,

Words cannot express how much disappointed I am with you and with the situation.
As much as I understand how things aren't under your control, I also realize that you at least have a control of not letting me down.

It was all for fun. It was all for good times. It was a time away from all the stress that you and I are both experiencing. It was for us to unwind, eat our emotions and laugh the troubles away.

So when you gave me the idea of a quick escape, I gladly let my guard down.

It wasn't easy. There were second thoughts, there was this too much self control that I do, which is to prevent myself from disappointment.

I've told you that you better be sure. I've asked you if it was just an impulsive offer due to some uncontrollable emotions on your part. You assured me that it was neither and I trusted you.

We once had this conversation, break my trust once and that's all it take to severe trust and friendship.

I do understand how complicated the situation is. Trust me, I mean no harm and believe me when I say that I am truly here for you and that I care about you, maybe more that you do for me.

But I can't be this friend whose emotions gets toyed with every time shit happens with you. Times when you want to feel needed, valued and validated, I don't want to be your "next option". Don't get me wrong, I do value the friendship that we have. But please, don't use me as an escape to your reality.

I am writing this because it is the only release I have. I do mean what I said, I am not going to talk to you beyond necessary.

Thank you for everything.

I truly wish you all the happiness, the true happiness and true love you deserve.

weheartit.com

Of surgery and deadline.

The alarm went off and I knew there's no way I can negotiate with the snooze button. I've hit it once already. I needed to get up and get going. The warm shower was helping wash away my anxiety. I realize it'll be easy and quick for me to get ready, just a
some (and matching) undergarments, yoga pants and a white Fallon Greenwave basketball shirt and I'm good to go. No make up, no jewelry, no contacts - that's what the nurse told me.

Yesterday was the day of my surgery.

They found I found a lump on my left breast, got it all checked at the base clinic, had an ultra sound to make sure it's really a lump and long story short, they need to take it out to make sure it's benign and not damaging in the long run.

So there I was sitting in the lobby. I was reading David Lord Stewie's hilarious tweets. Laughter is something that puts me at ease. That and Stewie's tweets were really obnoxious and funny.

Nurse Cathy called my name. I wanted to run towards the nearest exit and forget about this whole thing. The thought of having a surgery doesn't really scare me. What bothers me is the mere fact that they have to put IV on me. That stupid needle is a pain in the ass. I have such small and not so visible veins. I've been traumatized. 13 years ago, I had the same medical procedure and guess what, I had been poked and pricked so many times, I actually have sympathy for voodoo dolls!

Luckily, Nurse Cathy knows what she's doing. She's been doing this for 33 years, she says. Yeah right, I thought. But she proved me wrong when all it took was one try and she got the IV on my hand! Rockstar, that's what I called her afterwards. She even admitted herself that it's hard to find a vein in my hand and they're so tiny but she managed. It hurt but I'm not complaining.

The doctor came and talked to me prior to the procedure. I remember the nurse injecting something to relax me, and it relaxed me alright! I remember vaguely her wheeling me out of the pre-op room and all I said was, "wheee! roadtrip!". How embarrassing! Haha!

Next thing I know, I was already at the recovery room. I was so sleepy and have never wanted to sleep so bad in my entire life. I told the nurse I want to go home so I can sleep comfortably in my bed. David helped me get dressed since I can't even stand on my own. Maybe that's how it feels to be intoxicated? I'd never know because I have yet to get drunk.

I slept the rest of the day. I woke up later that evening, walked to home office and sat in front of the computer to finish my article. Yes, even through that whole ordeal, I was thinking of my deadline. I need to get it done, after all, I've been procrastinating the entire weekend.

So I am might proud of my article for tomorrow's paper - 02/09/11 . People won't know but I do, and a few of my readers will do too, that article was written on the same day I came out of surgery, light-headed, anesthesia wearing off and all.

If that's not total dedication, then I don't know what.